mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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