he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
