Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
