Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
