K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
