Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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