i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
My breath smells like gin and sadness
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
