You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
