i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize