what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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