btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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