it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
