He kissed a someone with a penis
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
