On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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