i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
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My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize