Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
