just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
