Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
