I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
