I hate all girls vehemently.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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