apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
