No stitches, just platelets and will power
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
