That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
