Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
