WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
