I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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