If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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