I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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