I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.