Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
