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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills

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• (707): View more from California

  I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already

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  These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?

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• (407): View more from Florida

  Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk

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• (319): View more from Iowa

  Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?

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• (913): View more from Kansas

  Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...

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• 

  The 33 Worst Things Men Have Said While Hitting On Women

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• (417): View more from Missouri

  So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.

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• (587): View more from Alberta

  You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better

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