so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
