I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Randomize
