I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
The 33 Worst Things Men Have Said While Hitting On Women
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better