we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
My pussy is not your playground.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Our lives are a motherfucking joke