Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
