Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
