I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
