btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
It's shark week go big or go home
I made him laugh his dick is mine
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
