the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
