I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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