So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
