theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
