I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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