oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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