i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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