I'll bet she douches with gravy.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
