So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
