the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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