do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
The best revenge is premature balding
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
