just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
