the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
