Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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