I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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