I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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