Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
