I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
