and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
