I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
