So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
