I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
