She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
