Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Randomize
