Your dad touched me again.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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