i wish there were pregnant emoticons
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
