We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
