i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Someone came in the potted fern
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
