The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
