I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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