you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
