We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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