I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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