woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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