he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
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i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
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Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
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