It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
