note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
