whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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