that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
